I've been reading Tara Janzen's books. I am absolutely in love with all the Steele Streets guys and want to be one of the girls. Like my semi-namesake Skeeter Jeanne Bang Hart. She's tough, buff and kick ass. It's been 20+ years since I spent my brief time in the Marine Corps and could qualify as any of those things. I've become the biggest, fattest couch potato. So much so that I'm embarrassed to tell people I'm a former Marine.
Can I, at far too close to fifty years old, become a kick ass woman? And if I did what would I do with it? The Marines don't want old women no matter how buff. Maybe I could become a cop but they typically don't have the kind of challenges the Steele Street gang faces and again age is a big negative. The Steele Street guys aren't answering barking dog calls, stopping drunk drivers or breaking up bar fights. They're running secret operations - spy type stuff.
So, I'm working out but have a long way to buff. I'm anxious to get some time in firing my weapons (at least I know how to do that!). But for what purpose?
Is being 50 just the ultimate indication that I have no chance of a life of intrigue, excitement and challenge? I'm so afraid that it is. Is there is no real future even if I get back in shape? God, I hate getting old.
(There Mary, something to read!)