Thursday, November 5, 2009

Romance Novels and Real Life

An acquaintance, Kathryn Caskie, who writes wonderful romance novels asked in her blog recently for her readers to share their romance a-ha moments, the moment they knew they were in love. I wrote the following.

Sadly, I don't remember an a-ha moment from when my husband and I first dated and married but after more than 18 years, I've recently had a knocked you down/oh my gosh/true epiphany “a-ha” moment. I read a lot of romances and always wondered why my hubby was never as romantic as the guys in the books. It was depressing that maybe I hadn't waited for the "perfect guy". Maybe another man would always remember my birthday, get along with my family better, know when I was sad and needed a hug without me having to ask, say the perfect thing to restore my ailing self-esteem when appropriate, etc. One day, I got the slap on the face I needed. I'm not sure where it came from and I'm not ruling out divine intervention or some similar phenomenon. I realized that those guys in the books are only perfect because we believe. The authors write them perfect and more importantly we READ them perfect. (Romance is easy on paper when real life isn't getting in the way.) The real question is why we don’t see our guys as perfect, or more perfect. Like Julia Roberts says in Pretty Woman, the bad stuff is easier to believe. It was suddenly so simple. If I changed my focus to my hubby’s best qualities, he too would look amazing. If I fawn over the things he does for me for no special reason or that he is loving, faithful, responsible, sometimes funny and always sexy, then he IS my Prince Charming. All it takes to have the man of your dreams is to define the man you have by his qualities, those you most treasure, and quit worrying about the stuff that doesn’t really matter. Subsequently, I am more in love with my hubby now than ever.

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